First post-NY blog action.

Yeah so this is the first time I've used this thing since I moved back to Cali. I guess a lot has happened since I've been back. Well, maybe not. But I did, unfortunately, lose my east coast paleness. Actually today Leah said I look tan, especially compared to how I looked in New York. I've been trying to work out. I've gotten fatter since I moved and it's kind of making me sick. I'm too fat. So I've been running and trying to work on my upper body a little to build some muscle. I really feel like I haven't had anything to say since I've been back, and really don't have much to say now, so I'm gonna do a mini love/hate list. Haven't done one of those in a while.

Hate

-most of the people in Santana Row (99.4%)

-getting paid crap

-job hunting

-being fat

-how everything is so damn spread out here

-no street vendors selling delicious halal food

-cracka ass crackas

-all the cars

-no good sandwiches

-being bored

-fig newtons

-exercise

love

-skateboarding

-exercise

-monster energy drinks

-beef jerky

-harry's hofbrau.

-turkey legs fuck yeah

-coming up with shirt ideas

-vinh pushing me to make my damn shirts

-hearing keys outside the door

-balconies

-dried apricots

end of the road

so yeah.  I think this will be my last blog post from the wonderful city of NY.  it's hard leaving home.  I feel like this is my home now.  I was going to post some lyrics from the classic Boyz to Men song end of the road but I think everyone knows it so there's no need.  I've never felt so at ease in any place in my whole life.  But I gotta go live my life, and help the fam, and get educated. No more playing around.  But I will always love my city, and will always visit. I would love to list everything I'll miss but that would take forever.  So lets just say everything.  Except for tourists. I've made friends here and reunited with old ones.  I've learned so much and forgotten a lot.  (mostly due to my increased beer intake) I'll miss these canyons of stone and steel. I'll miss having everything at my fingertips all the time.  I'll miss having to much to do and not enough time to do it.  I'll miss letting laundry slide just one more day because it's 20 degrees outside.  Ahhhhh! But lets not get sentimental here. I will always visit. I will never forget it.  And I will always love the first home I made for myself.  I chose it and it chose me.  But it's time for new choices and time to be a grown ass man.  I just hope I don't get too homesick.  I think I'm going to actually experience that for the first time.  I guess it's nothing a little newcastle can't cure, right?

changes

so seeing as I'm not going to be in New York for very much longer, I need to change the name of my blog.  What should it be?  any input would be helpful........

moving on

So I'm moving back to Cali.  San Francisco to be exact, although I'll probably have to do some time in San Jose before that happens.  I haven't worked out all the details but yeah.  Am I excited?  Yeah and no.  Am I happy?  Yeah and no.  Am I regretting it or will I?  No.  I'm sure of that because I know I'm going for the right reasons.  I'm not giving up on my dreams or goals but there are more important things right now than me just hanging out and having fun in New York.  I love it here, but there are other things I love in Cali too that I must attend to.  I'll be sad, having to leave one of the greatest cities on this shitty planet, but that's okay. 

pushing forward

So I was listening to less than jake while waiting for my train yesterday after work ( I know, not a surprise).  I have most of their songs memorized for the most part, but it's funny how I can completely forget about songs. Even songs that have held some special meaning at one time or another.  This is cheezy but as I'm sure many people would agree, you sometimes feel like bands go inside your head to write songs.  I've always had that feeling with less than jake.  Well there is one particular song which helped me out during a hard time in life about 5 years ago.  I've listened to it a million times since then, and on occasion I'll think back to how it helped me, but more or less I don't pay it much mind. Well, I'm in a similar state of mind right now and when that song came on, it spoke directly to my heart and mind, as if less than jake could read my mind and Chris or Roger or Vince called me up and said, "hey, listen to this, it'll help"  So yeah, here is the lyrics.  Just needed to share it. It's off their B is for B-sides album, which was put out right after Anthem.  Both albums were recorded at the same time, just separated i guess.  Whatever, here it is. 

Last Rights to Sleepless Nights

Verse

Tonight, I'll be wiping my slate clean 

I'll be clearing out those clouded memories

Cause I don't want to keep living in the past, and I can't stand how I always do that

Tonight, cause you know I'm sick to death

With every last regret and what I've said

And now all i really have left, is my head and it's just a mess

Chorus

Tonight I'll dance on the graves, of all my darkest days

and erase, all the worries of all the time I waisted

my scars may never go away 

but I'll learn not to mind them along the way

right now I'm giving last rights to all my sleepless nights

right now I'm coming clean and I'm going on with my life

So the verse and chorus repeat twice, they're the same thing, and then the last two lines repeat for a while.  It's a simple song, but it speaks to me, especially right now.  Yeah. 

no internet

i have no internet.  holla at me through a text or my facebook. 

it's only my sanity

so i'm going crazy. i have a billion decisions to make but i don't actually have the choices in front of me yet.  Just the anticipated events in which to make these choices.  And the mere thought of it is driving me crazy.  Some are more immediate, like trying to find a new job or staying put, and others are much more far away.  And they may not even happen.  Or they may.  My actions could push it either way.  But I don't know how.  Confusing.  I just want to skateboard.  That's always so simple.......